"JACOB"

Friday morning of January 14 Danner and I were so thrilled to be parents again! We could hardly contain our joy and excitement and wanted to tell the whole world about our baby coming September 11th. However, we felt like we needed to wait a while longer to announce it publicly. We only told a few close friends so they can pray with us and share our joy. That was the same week I caught the flu and sinus infection. I was miserable for a week and was so weak. The Lord healed me quickly and I was so happy for that although my cough remained.

The entire time I was looking forwad to telling everyone about our new baby and was thinking of ways to announce our news. I just felt so connected with the baby and I just grew so much love for Allison (more than I knew I could love a person). Then I felt something went wrong Tuesday evening of the 18th but disregarded as cramping due to implantation. Wednesday came along and I went to New Beginnings Pregnancy Services, my work place, for an ultrasound because the ladies there are so thrilled for me (yes, they were the few that we told). During the u/s session the nurse couldn't find a the gestational sac. But she assured me that we're probably a few weeks earlier than expected and that she would do another u/s in a few weeks to see. I felt it was okay but I had that nagging feeling that something was wrong. I came home and days following I continued to have light spotting. Danner reassured me that everything was going to be okay, but I didn't feel okay.

Monday of January 24th I found out that I had miscarried the baby. Danner and I cried together in disbelief. We're still crying about when we are together and talking about it. It is good that we are talking about it because it helps me grieve. Although we never told Allison about the baby since we didn't want to tell everyone too early, however, she knew that she was getting a little brother so she tells everyone anyway. We just laughed about it even though we wanted to agree with her many times. She came to me with her arms wide open asking me to pick her up this morning and I did. She told me "I really liked that baby." Oh, it hurts!! It hurts because she knew and she was right!! So I told her that her baby brother went to Heaven to be with Jesus and our Papa. She is still trying to wrap her mind around this but she's only three years old and we'll explain to her more as she gets older.

We told members of our families and it was hard. We still have the baby and we will bury him together. We know the Lord is good and faithful until the end. He has our baby now and is taking good care of him for us. We look forward to the day we meet "Jacob" in heaven along with those we love! I know some may question how do I know it was a boy. I know because the Lord revealed this to me. I had seen a glimpse of my son before I even knew I was pregnant. I just knew! The knowlege that goes beyond understanding and explaination. Danner told me that the Lord will name our baby for us so I asked what his name would be. Immediately I heard "JACOB" so I shared with Danner about it and he agreed with me.

I know that this is the season that Danner and I must lean in on one another to go through this together. I ask the Lord to give us strength to love one and other; that He would grow deep roots in our marriage. I love this man so much and couldn't imagine going through this with another person.

"Blessed are those that mourn: for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4