Since December Danner has been working while attending school. He's suppose to work part-time only, however, they schedule him some weeks after 35 hours so he's been gone a lot. This really takes a tole on all of us. This morning right before Danner left for work, Allison got up and was really upset that he had to leave again because she was in bed asleep before he got home. So, she cried while held on tight to him. He was all teared up too and got me weepy as well. He left and I got Allison all cheered up again because he was to get off early and have dinner with us before people show up at our home for our Home Group.
While I was at work, Danner called me and said that he will be making adjustment with his work schedule to spend more time with us. Thank You, Father, for allowing my husband to feel this way because for several weeks I've asked to do something about it. I look forward to having my sweet husband home by dinner time and Sunday off for church and rest.
We're putting the Lord above all and our family comes before ministries, school & work. This is a season that He turns the fathers/mothers toward their children and children toward their fathers/mothers. This is the only way to make family works for us.
Thursday, March 3
Tuesday, March 1
"I Owe It to Me"
March is here!!! I couldn't sleep for some reasons so I got up to spend sometime reading a devotional while listening to I.H.O.P. Webstream. I'm taking my leave from facebook for a while to get spend sometime taking care of my spiritual, emotional, and physical health. The past few months went by fast though chaotic. After the loss of our "Baby Jacob" I've had my ups and downs. Then a chains of events that triggered some emotional trauma of the past that I thought I dealt with came surfaced. I'm thankful that they surfaced so that I can deal with them. I made an appointment with the Healing Rooms and can't wait to begin my journey to healing.
In my devotional Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Wow, my Daddy God loves so me so much that He longs for me to be still and draw closer to Him and sings over me. I want to be still for Him, even if it means my house will be messy, chores aren't done to perfection, craft projects will left on the shelf for a while, etc.
My Daddy takes delight in me. All my life, I don't ever remember my dad telling me he is proud of me for anything good I've done or for any accomplishments. In someway he shows it by showing up at the events with his fancy camera and takes pictures. He never says anything directly to me. Sometimes he even lectures me so I am greatful he ignores me and my achievements. But not my Daddy God! He delights in me even when I didn't win anything or done anything good. He just loves me because He took great delights in creating me in His own image and placing me in my mother's womb. He says I am "fearfully and wonderfully made."
Because I am so beautiful and precious in His eye, I want to take care of what He had given me and take care of my temple. I am not excessively overweight, though I kept 5 pounds since I got married and had a baby. I have been fine with it, not overly obessed with losing the pounds, but I'm not exactly content with it because I know I can do better. It's not because I don't have a choice, it's just simply because I have been lazy and neglecting my wellness. I noticed I am not as active. My sleep pattern's all messed up so when I get to sleep I sleep in really late. This doesn't work out well with having a toddler who sleeps for 10-12 hours a night. When she rises, she's all perky!! I don't like that I feel tired more so I stay in bed quite a bit and she thinks I am always sick. It concerns her and I can tell it effects her as well.
So, with all this said, I am contending for complete healing and restoration along with a new body for the summer and as well as for my sister's wedding in June. I am the matron of honor and I want to look fine in that pretty bridesmaid dress. :-) I am sure my sweet husband doesn't mind having a hot looking wife again! In turn, I hope I motivate him to get fit too.
So here's the plan:
- spend 1-hr with the Lord
- pray continually
- praise Him often
- journal daily
- plan healthier meals
- eat healthy
- drink more water (weaning off sodas)
- exercise daily
- spend more time with Allison outside
- get adequate amount of sleep
- rise early
- smile often
- love more!
In my devotional Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Wow, my Daddy God loves so me so much that He longs for me to be still and draw closer to Him and sings over me. I want to be still for Him, even if it means my house will be messy, chores aren't done to perfection, craft projects will left on the shelf for a while, etc.
My Daddy takes delight in me. All my life, I don't ever remember my dad telling me he is proud of me for anything good I've done or for any accomplishments. In someway he shows it by showing up at the events with his fancy camera and takes pictures. He never says anything directly to me. Sometimes he even lectures me so I am greatful he ignores me and my achievements. But not my Daddy God! He delights in me even when I didn't win anything or done anything good. He just loves me because He took great delights in creating me in His own image and placing me in my mother's womb. He says I am "fearfully and wonderfully made."
Because I am so beautiful and precious in His eye, I want to take care of what He had given me and take care of my temple. I am not excessively overweight, though I kept 5 pounds since I got married and had a baby. I have been fine with it, not overly obessed with losing the pounds, but I'm not exactly content with it because I know I can do better. It's not because I don't have a choice, it's just simply because I have been lazy and neglecting my wellness. I noticed I am not as active. My sleep pattern's all messed up so when I get to sleep I sleep in really late. This doesn't work out well with having a toddler who sleeps for 10-12 hours a night. When she rises, she's all perky!! I don't like that I feel tired more so I stay in bed quite a bit and she thinks I am always sick. It concerns her and I can tell it effects her as well.
So, with all this said, I am contending for complete healing and restoration along with a new body for the summer and as well as for my sister's wedding in June. I am the matron of honor and I want to look fine in that pretty bridesmaid dress. :-) I am sure my sweet husband doesn't mind having a hot looking wife again! In turn, I hope I motivate him to get fit too.
So here's the plan:
- spend 1-hr with the Lord
- pray continually
- praise Him often
- journal daily
- plan healthier meals
- eat healthy
- drink more water (weaning off sodas)
- exercise daily
- spend more time with Allison outside
- get adequate amount of sleep
- rise early
- smile often
- love more!
Monday, February 14
Monday, February 7
Focusing on Beauty
I've been taking sometime for myself and focus on things that are beautiful. I've been needing something to keep my mind clear and gave myself a purpose during this time healing. I am thankful that I healed very quickly and can honestly say that I feel like I am physically back to normal, except for my emotions. Yesterday and today have been a bit off. I would get a burst of anger, bitterness, resentful at things that shouldn't have bothered me. I would cry and spill my guts out over the littlest things. I feel like I'm crazy! My poor husband is at lost as he doesn't know how to console this emotional wife and probably still a bit hormonal too. Please pray for him!!
So, this is the list of 28 things I would like to do, make, or fix in 28 days of February. I want to bless my family and friends with my projects, but I know all of these will bless my heart even more. I want the Lord to inspire me through beauty and purpose. These are done in no particular order. Just whatever comes my way and time I have available to do them. I am so excited!!
1 ORGANIZE PANTRY {CHECK}
2 CLOTHE PINS DECORATING {CHECK}
3 PLAN GARDEN CLUB {CHECK}
4 PLAN ENGAGEMENT PARTY
5 VALENTINE'S PROJECT
6 INVITE A FAMILY FOR DINNER {CHECK}
7 STOCK EMERGENCY FOOD
8 TAKE DOGS TO THE VET
9 CREATE SOMETHING WITH CHALKBOARD PAINT {CHECK}
10 ORGANIZE ALLISON'S TOYS
11 FIELD TRIP/CRAFT DAY WITH ALLISON
12 ATTEND GARDEN SEMINAR
13 MAKE SNOW ICE-CREAM {CHECK}
14 DATE MY SWEET HUSBAND
15 SEW SOMETHING
16 TAKE PICTURES
17 ORGANIZE PICTURES
18 CLEAN HOUSE/DECORATE HOST ENGAGEMENT PARTY
19 GET A HAIR CUT
20 ATTEND A BABY SHOWER
21 MAKE COPIES OF CITIZENSHIP CERTIFICATE
22 CHANGE SOCIAL SECURITY INFO.
23 ATTEND BIRTHDAY PARTY {CHECK}
24 WASH CARS
25 PURGE HOUSEHOLD ITEMS
26 PURGE CLOTHES
27 DROP OFF DONATION TO LOCAL CHARITY
28 SHAMPOO CARPET
So, this is the list of 28 things I would like to do, make, or fix in 28 days of February. I want to bless my family and friends with my projects, but I know all of these will bless my heart even more. I want the Lord to inspire me through beauty and purpose. These are done in no particular order. Just whatever comes my way and time I have available to do them. I am so excited!!
1 ORGANIZE PANTRY {CHECK}
2 CLOTHE PINS DECORATING {CHECK}
3 PLAN GARDEN CLUB {CHECK}
4 PLAN ENGAGEMENT PARTY
5 VALENTINE'S PROJECT
6 INVITE A FAMILY FOR DINNER {CHECK}
7 STOCK EMERGENCY FOOD
8 TAKE DOGS TO THE VET
9 CREATE SOMETHING WITH CHALKBOARD PAINT {CHECK}
10 ORGANIZE ALLISON'S TOYS
11 FIELD TRIP/CRAFT DAY WITH ALLISON
12 ATTEND GARDEN SEMINAR
13 MAKE SNOW ICE-CREAM {CHECK}
14 DATE MY SWEET HUSBAND
15 SEW SOMETHING
16 TAKE PICTURES
17 ORGANIZE PICTURES
18 CLEAN HOUSE/DECORATE HOST ENGAGEMENT PARTY
19 GET A HAIR CUT
20 ATTEND A BABY SHOWER
21 MAKE COPIES OF CITIZENSHIP CERTIFICATE
22 CHANGE SOCIAL SECURITY INFO.
23 ATTEND BIRTHDAY PARTY {CHECK}
24 WASH CARS
25 PURGE HOUSEHOLD ITEMS
26 PURGE CLOTHES
27 DROP OFF DONATION TO LOCAL CHARITY
28 SHAMPOO CARPET
I got this thing of Modge Podge and exacto knife since I was a senior in college. It's so good to see them both again!
I'm going to add magnet strips to the back of the pegs to hold pictures or Allison's art work on our Fridge. She's quite an Artist in the Making!
Decorating Clothes Pegs (purchased at Walmart and I can't remember how much for a package) with Scrapbooking Paper I got on Clearance (6/$1.00). Here's where I got the idea to make these beautiful things!!
I'm going to add magnet strips to the back of the pegs to hold pictures or Allison's art work on our Fridge. She's quite an Artist in the Making!
Tuesday, January 25
This is Hard
Tuesday is better than Monday. I feel numb all day. I don't know how to express this feeling. Sometimes I am silent and slighty smile and feel okay when people hug me and tell me they are sorry for me and other times I cry. This is hard. I am still so mixed up in my emotions and trusting the Lord to help me grieve.
I know how to grieve for the loss of relatives. I know how to grieve when I was rejected by my parents. But I don't know how to grieve for the loss of my own baby. I know not everyone grieve the same way because we are all made differently. Perhaps it is because my calling is to preserve LIFE.
It is hard because I work in the ministry that tries to save the unborn. We interceed for those who have no voice. I work with clients who are pregnant. Some may even be due in the month of September. I work with customers who are thrilled with new babies coming into their lives. I am happy for them and congratulate them. I know now how precious life really is so I rejoice for LIFE with them.
It is hard when they ask me how I am doing. I don't know how to share with them how I really feel. Again I just feel numb. I feel broken and humbled to walk in this.
I went in for my blood work and of course they had to poke me twice. I am terrified of needles so I tried really hard to squeeze out a little bit of blood for them to make sure I will be okay again. Now my arm is sore and bruised. I am to return next week for more lab work. I pray that my body will get back to normal again.
I received lots of hug today. My Pastor came by my store to pray with me. I needed that. He just lost his mother in December and I know it was painful for him too to share with me and encouraged me. I love my Pastor & his wife for their geniune hearts. My mother-in-law came to see me after work with hugs and flowers. She knows I love flowers, especially calli lillies. It helped because Allison loved the flowers too and claimed they were for her and I believe that's true. She needs some colors to brighten her day as well. A friend gave me a book with beautiful pictures of angelic looking babies.
Danner came home with a box for Jacob. It is so tiny! I know he is in Heaven with the Lord and what's here will turn to ashes. We will bury him together and spend sometime praying for each other. We will be picking out a plant for memorance. It is strange to believe that Danner and I are parents of two. We love him already!! (sorry this is such random thoughts, but this is how I'm feeling).
We are blessed with the beautiful Allison. She is our joy! She makes life better! She gives me hope!
I know how to grieve for the loss of relatives. I know how to grieve when I was rejected by my parents. But I don't know how to grieve for the loss of my own baby. I know not everyone grieve the same way because we are all made differently. Perhaps it is because my calling is to preserve LIFE.
It is hard because I work in the ministry that tries to save the unborn. We interceed for those who have no voice. I work with clients who are pregnant. Some may even be due in the month of September. I work with customers who are thrilled with new babies coming into their lives. I am happy for them and congratulate them. I know now how precious life really is so I rejoice for LIFE with them.
It is hard when they ask me how I am doing. I don't know how to share with them how I really feel. Again I just feel numb. I feel broken and humbled to walk in this.
I went in for my blood work and of course they had to poke me twice. I am terrified of needles so I tried really hard to squeeze out a little bit of blood for them to make sure I will be okay again. Now my arm is sore and bruised. I am to return next week for more lab work. I pray that my body will get back to normal again.
I received lots of hug today. My Pastor came by my store to pray with me. I needed that. He just lost his mother in December and I know it was painful for him too to share with me and encouraged me. I love my Pastor & his wife for their geniune hearts. My mother-in-law came to see me after work with hugs and flowers. She knows I love flowers, especially calli lillies. It helped because Allison loved the flowers too and claimed they were for her and I believe that's true. She needs some colors to brighten her day as well. A friend gave me a book with beautiful pictures of angelic looking babies.
Danner came home with a box for Jacob. It is so tiny! I know he is in Heaven with the Lord and what's here will turn to ashes. We will bury him together and spend sometime praying for each other. We will be picking out a plant for memorance. It is strange to believe that Danner and I are parents of two. We love him already!! (sorry this is such random thoughts, but this is how I'm feeling).
We are blessed with the beautiful Allison. She is our joy! She makes life better! She gives me hope!
Monday, January 24
"JACOB"
Friday morning of January 14 Danner and I were so thrilled to be parents again! We could hardly contain our joy and excitement and wanted to tell the whole world about our baby coming September 11th. However, we felt like we needed to wait a while longer to announce it publicly. We only told a few close friends so they can pray with us and share our joy. That was the same week I caught the flu and sinus infection. I was miserable for a week and was so weak. The Lord healed me quickly and I was so happy for that although my cough remained.
The entire time I was looking forwad to telling everyone about our new baby and was thinking of ways to announce our news. I just felt so connected with the baby and I just grew so much love for Allison (more than I knew I could love a person). Then I felt something went wrong Tuesday evening of the 18th but disregarded as cramping due to implantation. Wednesday came along and I went to New Beginnings Pregnancy Services, my work place, for an ultrasound because the ladies there are so thrilled for me (yes, they were the few that we told). During the u/s session the nurse couldn't find a the gestational sac. But she assured me that we're probably a few weeks earlier than expected and that she would do another u/s in a few weeks to see. I felt it was okay but I had that nagging feeling that something was wrong. I came home and days following I continued to have light spotting. Danner reassured me that everything was going to be okay, but I didn't feel okay.
Monday of January 24th I found out that I had miscarried the baby. Danner and I cried together in disbelief. We're still crying about when we are together and talking about it. It is good that we are talking about it because it helps me grieve. Although we never told Allison about the baby since we didn't want to tell everyone too early, however, she knew that she was getting a little brother so she tells everyone anyway. We just laughed about it even though we wanted to agree with her many times. She came to me with her arms wide open asking me to pick her up this morning and I did. She told me "I really liked that baby." Oh, it hurts!! It hurts because she knew and she was right!! So I told her that her baby brother went to Heaven to be with Jesus and our Papa. She is still trying to wrap her mind around this but she's only three years old and we'll explain to her more as she gets older.
We told members of our families and it was hard. We still have the baby and we will bury him together. We know the Lord is good and faithful until the end. He has our baby now and is taking good care of him for us. We look forward to the day we meet "Jacob" in heaven along with those we love! I know some may question how do I know it was a boy. I know because the Lord revealed this to me. I had seen a glimpse of my son before I even knew I was pregnant. I just knew! The knowlege that goes beyond understanding and explaination. Danner told me that the Lord will name our baby for us so I asked what his name would be. Immediately I heard "JACOB" so I shared with Danner about it and he agreed with me.
I know that this is the season that Danner and I must lean in on one another to go through this together. I ask the Lord to give us strength to love one and other; that He would grow deep roots in our marriage. I love this man so much and couldn't imagine going through this with another person.
"Blessed are those that mourn: for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4
The entire time I was looking forwad to telling everyone about our new baby and was thinking of ways to announce our news. I just felt so connected with the baby and I just grew so much love for Allison (more than I knew I could love a person). Then I felt something went wrong Tuesday evening of the 18th but disregarded as cramping due to implantation. Wednesday came along and I went to New Beginnings Pregnancy Services, my work place, for an ultrasound because the ladies there are so thrilled for me (yes, they were the few that we told). During the u/s session the nurse couldn't find a the gestational sac. But she assured me that we're probably a few weeks earlier than expected and that she would do another u/s in a few weeks to see. I felt it was okay but I had that nagging feeling that something was wrong. I came home and days following I continued to have light spotting. Danner reassured me that everything was going to be okay, but I didn't feel okay.
Monday of January 24th I found out that I had miscarried the baby. Danner and I cried together in disbelief. We're still crying about when we are together and talking about it. It is good that we are talking about it because it helps me grieve. Although we never told Allison about the baby since we didn't want to tell everyone too early, however, she knew that she was getting a little brother so she tells everyone anyway. We just laughed about it even though we wanted to agree with her many times. She came to me with her arms wide open asking me to pick her up this morning and I did. She told me "I really liked that baby." Oh, it hurts!! It hurts because she knew and she was right!! So I told her that her baby brother went to Heaven to be with Jesus and our Papa. She is still trying to wrap her mind around this but she's only three years old and we'll explain to her more as she gets older.
We told members of our families and it was hard. We still have the baby and we will bury him together. We know the Lord is good and faithful until the end. He has our baby now and is taking good care of him for us. We look forward to the day we meet "Jacob" in heaven along with those we love! I know some may question how do I know it was a boy. I know because the Lord revealed this to me. I had seen a glimpse of my son before I even knew I was pregnant. I just knew! The knowlege that goes beyond understanding and explaination. Danner told me that the Lord will name our baby for us so I asked what his name would be. Immediately I heard "JACOB" so I shared with Danner about it and he agreed with me.
I know that this is the season that Danner and I must lean in on one another to go through this together. I ask the Lord to give us strength to love one and other; that He would grow deep roots in our marriage. I love this man so much and couldn't imagine going through this with another person.
"Blessed are those that mourn: for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4
Tuesday, January 18
Tru Evelyn
January 18th - A dear friend and neighbor gave birth to her daughter - Tru Evelyn. She was 10 lbs 0z and 21 inches long. No wonder her labor took so long and took an entire facebook community on our seats waiting for the arrival of this baby. Tabbitha did not find out the baby's gender so it was a complete surprise! This is their fifth baby and they're so overwhelmed with love, joy, and humble hearts.
I truly admire Tabbitha for all that she is! She loves God first of all and she loves all her children. She carries her motherhood mantel so well. I'm delighted to learn from her.
I am honestly nervous about this new season the Lord is allowing me to step into. So much in store ahead of us. Possible new career for Danner. Allison's now taking gymnastic lessons. I am still with New Beginnings and trusting the Lord to lead my life and calling in the ministry.
God is so good when we trust in Him with all our hearts, souls, and minds.
I truly admire Tabbitha for all that she is! She loves God first of all and she loves all her children. She carries her motherhood mantel so well. I'm delighted to learn from her.
I am honestly nervous about this new season the Lord is allowing me to step into. So much in store ahead of us. Possible new career for Danner. Allison's now taking gymnastic lessons. I am still with New Beginnings and trusting the Lord to lead my life and calling in the ministry.
God is so good when we trust in Him with all our hearts, souls, and minds.
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